Parenting Poo Gate by Bloom Baby Classes
The Bloom Blog
So after my last blog on relationships after kids I recalled an event or events (notice the plural) that have happened to us as a family. You know one of those moments that no-one prepares you for. Those events where your super powers are put to the test requiring quick thinking and impressive reaction times.
This has actually happened a few times, the first time was a a complete “WOAH” shocker but it’s happened loads of times since.
Having three girls all under 4 years you are kind of programmed to do things fairly quickly and in a ninja warrior way. As an example you can be cooking the dinner whilst holding the baby, with a toddler attached to your leg who’s decided that they no longer want to nap in the afternoon resulting in the witching hour from 430 onward. -whilst teaching the four year old to read. That kind of thing you know every day mum stuff.
Bath time was another machine production line kind of operation. The bath can fit 3 small people in and no-one can dissapear they are all pretty much in the same place for probably the only part of the day. You go along in a line, wet hair, wet hair, wet hair, shampoo, shampoo, shampoo, rinse, rinse, rinse etc. You get the picture.
It’s only on the occasion where toddler girl decides to take a dump in the bath that your day goes - to shit quite literally. Whether they just decide to take a poop or occasionally still where they have contracted diarrhea and the first you know about it is yep you guessed it in the family bath.
Eldest “Mummy mummy mummy”
They are all talking they are always all talking or making some sort of noise and you’ve just watched CBeebies for half an hour. Mummy is now on count down to wine o clock, mission kids bedtime and your quite frankly not paying any attention.
“Mummy there is poo in the bath”
Hey? There cannot be poop in the bath no -one poops in the bath. Holy heck the bath is filling with poo!!! Enter Supermum making them all stand and dodge the floating poos whilst you save the youngest first. As that’s the rules - despite the fact its most likely their poop it’s just the running order.
So there they stand crying that they have touched their sisters poop and all you can think about is the potential germ fest risks that can arise from this harrowing experience. Then you realise something…. You have to empty the plug. That’s right Mummy’s arm has to enter the poo ridden bath and empty the plug through sounds of “Ewwww mummy’s touching poo ewwww poooo ewwww”. You’d expect the nightmare to end there but it never does as more often than not the poo doesn’t go down the plughole and you are then required to find nappy sacks and collect every floater that has escaped from your darling child’s bottom.
Like I said earlier, this hasn’t just happened once in fact its happened to my husband on one occassion. We were both in the bathroom when the dreaded “Mummy theres poooo” declaration occurred and what happened? Absolutely nothing he just stood there with a shocked face unable to move. Either that or in shock of my ultra fast and now professional poo saving skills.
It is with events like this that the 7pm bedtime is a mum’s favourite time of the day. The time that Super-mum can finally relax on the settee with a glass of wine. For about half an hour….
I hope you enjoyed my POOP Blog if you have had a similar experience please share and make me feel slightly more normal.
Victoria Jennings Bloom Baby Classes