Changing friendships by Bloom Baby Classes.
Having a baby changes you in many ways as we all know. I didn’t realise how much having a baby would change my relationship with my mum and i didn’t realise or was prepared for how my friendships would change after having a baby. It’s sad to say but I lost many friends after becoming a mum and realised that there are things every mum who has lost a friend should know.
When Ana was 3 months old one of my closest friends at the time was getting married. I had been invited for a weekend away as part of her hen weekend. I was still breastfeeding and Ana wouldn’t take a bottle. My friend didn’t understand how much I was personally struggling, how much I feared leaving the house and how lonely I felt. She also didn’t understand that it was impossible for me to leave Ana. Needless to say that friendship broke down. and the reason was because I had a little person who needed feeding every couple of hours and there was nothing I could do about that. I was almost solely responsible for the life of a tiny human being and as a result couldn’t go away for a weekend and leave her.
There were other friends I obviously didn’t see as often and our friendships faded through no fault of anyone’s and as often friendships do. Friends can often grow in different directions and life in general can get in the way. There are no sour feelings between us, we just realized that life can push people in opposite directions.
I know I am not the only mum to loose friends through motherhood itself or the choices she makes as a parent but having a baby can change your priorities. It can be a hurtful experience where you feel let down - almost like a divorce, they are also often unavoidable and sometimes for the best. I often say all things happen for a reason and most likely when one person leaves your life in such a way a new person is just about to enter it.
Here are my 5 tips to help if you have experienced the loss of a friend since becoming a mum.
Sometimes ending a friendship can be the best thing for you to do.
Yes that’s right, it sounds strange but there are so many people who can be physically toxic and when you get to the roots of that friendship and how they make you physically feel ending that friendship can be the best thing for you and your mental health. Some people can make you question yourself, make you feel low - is that person worth your time?
No more “What if’s”
It will do absolutely no good to spend your time obsessing over the friendship and what may or may not (maybe) have gone wrong. What's done is done; what happened has happened. Don't beat yourself up about what you could have done or what you wish your friend would have done.
Friendships should not be exhausting
A friendship should not be a battle, it should not be about one person putting way to much effort in and getting nothing in return Do not waste your time trying to salvage something that is effectively toxic. Let that person go, focus on you, focus on other healthy friendships, your family , your hobbies, job etc. You should not become emotionally drained trying to keep someone in your life.
Ending your friendship doesn’t mean you just erase those good memories
Just because a friendship has broken down does not mean that you have to forget and file away all those good times you may of had. Everyone changes, life changes and creates different needs from you as a person and different purposes. Reminisce of the good times , appreciate the friendship for what it was then. It's okay to appreciate you time you did have, while realizing that, well, that time has come to an end.
Happiness is key
Your own happiness and feeling as comfortable as you possibly can in your own skin is whats fundamentally important. Do what is right for you, if someone doesn’t understand you, is negative or no longer understands where you are do what is right for you.
I Know from running Bloom Baby Classes and getting to know many of you that some of you have experienced similar situations like this and hope you enjoyed reading this blog.. Since creating Bloom I have met some very amazing individuals that I work alongside and who I am very proud to know. and consider my friends.
To both my business partner and my long standing best friend you support me in so many ways I am so proud to have you both by my side.
Please comment below if you enjoyed this or have a topic you would like me to cover.